I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
