garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize