note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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