Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
