I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
