If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
