i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
We had to coat check the pizza.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
