My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
