I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
