I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize