Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
