she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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