He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
