You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
