these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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