whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
