It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
