Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
