I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
