i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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