Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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