I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
