What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
