This is not my ceiling
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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