Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Randomize
