How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
