Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
