one two three fourrrrnication!
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize