i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
