i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
