some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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