I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
It's rum buckets o'clock
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
