glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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