69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
