I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
