just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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