We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize