oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
