C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Randomize
