Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize