If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
