nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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