you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
