The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
My penis needs a shock collar
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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