I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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