jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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