I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
