ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
