I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
