i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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