We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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