I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
