I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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