I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
