Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Randomize
