Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
