weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize