fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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