Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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