Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
youre lurking in front of me
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
