I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
