yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
