new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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