I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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