I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
