note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
